South Canada Hoping to Attract Magnetic North to Its Capitol

SOUTH CANADA – With the news that magnetic north is moving quickly away from its former home near the geographic North Pole, some are watching, some are worrying, but one tiny country is hoping to take advantage of the situation. South Canada, located between the country of actual Canada and the state of Vermont, has declared its intention to attract magnetic north in the hopes of increasing tourism.

School children have been given the week off from their lessons and instead have been armed with magnets as teachers line them up along the western border of the country, directing them to pull magnetic north towards their Capitol city of Richford. Despite the impending winter storm, the schools say they have no intention of cancelling magnet duty tomorrow.

“We can’t let up, even for a day,” said 4th grade teacher Gilbert Williams. “The pole is on the move, potentially toward Russia, and even a moment’s hesitation could lose us this important natural phenomenon.”

Treasury Secretary Alan Fletcher has already allocated funding for “Pole World,” a new magnetic-themed amusement park that will take advantage of the unique properties of magnetic north to amuse visitors from far and near.

“It’s going to be huge attraction,” Fletcher said. “Get it? Attraction? And that’s not the only pun that will be featured at Pole World, but if you want to hear the rest you’re going to have to pay your dirt for a ticket just like anyone else. We hope to have the pole here by the end of the year, and park up and running by 2020. Make your plans now, families! It’s going to be a very positive experience! That was another free one.”

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