Fox Media announced today that it is cancelling the Trump Presidency Show due to low ratings. “We don’t know what went wrong,” said Oliver North, the former President of the NRA and now a spokesman for the gameshow network that also features a fake news affiliate. “For a while, it was going gangbusters. The Donald’s tweets were ratings gold, just gold. But all of a sudden it just fell off.”
Analysts are speculating that many viewers may be tuning in to the latest episodes of Game of Thrones and mistakenly thinking they are watching the Trump Presidency Show. When asked about this possibility, a dejected North responded, “Could be. Sure. We’ve got Kelly Anne Conway, but over there they’ve got real dragons! I mean, how can we compete with that? Well, I mean, they’re not real dragons. But they’re sort of real, you know? I guess people think they’re real. Anyway, it’s not cool. The North remembers.”
The Fox production manager for the Trump Presidency Show, who asked to remain anonymous but who is Sean Hannity, said that before ditching Trump, Fox tried everything to bolster ratings. “Nothing seemed to work. We ordered him to tweet more lies. We hired the Trump kids to give speeches, knowing they’d say stupid shit that would make Cooper, Cuomo, and Lemon hit the roof! We made up stuff about Representative Omar being a terrorist and fed it to him. We paid Bernie Sanders a million dollars in “book sales” to run for President again and attack Trump, thinking it would create controversy. We even hired George Conway to counter-tweet Trump and call him a liar, deranged, and unfit for office. But it seems to have backfired. Our internal polls show that people actually started believing the stuff we made up for George to tweet about Trump.”
In related fake news, Fox announced that it was appointing North Korean President Kim Jong Un to replace Trump as star of the Presidency Show. “The guy’s just a drama machine, you know?” said North. “He knows how to drive TV ratings. That ‘Dotard’ thing was brilliant. And Krazy Kim’s base loves him. I mean, in his last election he got, like, 99.9% of the vote! Can you imagine ratings like that?” When asked if he thought the American people would buy that Kim was actually the new U.S. President, the anonymous source, Sean Hannity said, “Are you kidding? They believe whatever we tell ‘em. They believed that Trump was a real candidate and a real president, didn’t they?”
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