The Winooski

The Winooski

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Month: April 2019

Vermonters Would Support $10K Moving Incentive If a 100% Tax Were Added On

April 30, 2019 The Winooski 1

MONTPELIER – As reports come in that Vermont residents are unhappy with Governor Scott’s program that offer’s a $10,000 incentive for anyone willing to relocate […]

Fox Cancels Trump Presidency Show Due To Low Ratings; Appoints Kim Jong-Un As Replacement

April 29, 2019 The Winooski 0

Fox Media announced today that it is cancelling the Trump Presidency Show due to low ratings. “We don’t know what went wrong,” said Oliver North, […]

Syrup & Cows #099 – 4/28/19 – Orthodox

April 28, 2019 The Winooski 0

Image Credits: Connor Byam.

As Workers Leave the State, Vermont Modifies Roombas to Fill the Gaps

April 27, 2019 The Winooski 2

MONTPELIER – State officials are asking Vermonters to use caution, and to not disturb any robots they may see on the roads or in the […]

South Canadian President Enters US Presidential Race

April 26, 2019 The Winooski 2

SOUTH CANADA – The already crowded field of potential Democratic nominees has gained yet another contender, as South Canadian president Charlene “Skunk” Bedard has thrown […]

Burlington Police to Receive Training on Yoga-Related Incidents

April 25, 2019 The Winooski 0

BURLINGTON – After the infamous City Market yoga riots of 2019, Burlington Chief of Police Brandon Del Pozo has pledged to train his officers on […]

Physicists Travel to Vermont to Study Law of Conservation of Holes

April 24, 2019 The Winooski 2

BARRE – A new scientific theory has physicists gathering in Barre, VT this week to study a phenomenon that has led to what many are […]

Millionaire Bernie Sanders Tells Angry Mob of Revolutionaries “Let Them Write Books”

April 23, 2019 The Winooski 1

WASHINGTON – Speaking from a balcony in Washington DC this week, Vermont Senator Bernie Sanders was confronted by an angry crowd of supporters, who questioned […]

As Milk Prices Remain Low, Vermont Farmers Switch From Cows to Goats

April 22, 2019 The Winooski 1

SHELBURNE – With the price of cow’s milk refusing to climb above lower-than-average levels, many Vermont farmers are now cutting costs by switching to goats. […]

Syrup & Cows #098 – 4/21/19 – Easter Bernie

April 21, 2019 The Winooski 0

Image Credits: Connor Byam.

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