VT State Trooper Contracts Autism From Incidental Contact With Vaccinated Person

LEICESTER – Vermont State Police are reporting that acting Sgt. Lydia Gaisian has contracted autism after incidental contact with a person known to have had several vaccinations. The incident occurred last week during a routine traffic stop, and now Gaisian has filed a suit against the state of Vermont, claiming disability due to unsafe working conditions.

An unusual press release from the State Police stated, “Da, Agent Gaisian has been given with the autism from stopping and policing, and is because Americans are being with the vaccinations so much. One touch of vaccinated persons will be giving the autism, da. From now on forward, no more vaccines is for the polices.”

Vermont Public Safety Commissioner Thomas Anderson has denied sending the press release, saying that he is still trying to determine the origins of the statement officially released to press on the VSP Facebook page. Meanwhile, medical examiners are struggling to find evidence of autism in Gaisian, who is now on paid medical leave pending an investigation of the incident.

Gaisian released her own statement via Facebook, which read, in part, “I’m very high-functioning. But I know I have some autism now, because I’m feeling very woozy, itchy, and litigious, which the internet told me are all symptoms. And I never had it before I touched that vaccinated person.”

Despite the police press release that claims autism is very contagious, doctors would like the public to know that itchiness and a shifty lawyer are not signs of autism, and you cannot get it from touching another person. Autism begins in early childhood, persists into adulthood, and includes social/communication issues as well as restricted/repetitive behaviors and/or sensory issues that interfere with daily living, and there is no evidence whatsoever that vaccines have anything to do with autism at all.

“Oh, I got social issues!” Gaisian said via Facebook. “All my friends and co-workers are mad at me for suing them! You think my social life hasn’t suffered because of this?!”*

*Ed. Note – Autism is a serious condition that affects millions of Americans, and is not something you get when your friends are mad at you.

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