Family in Turmoil After Tragic Holiday Barbecue Scheduling

WEATHERSFIELD – A family in southern Vermont is being torn apart this week over a potentially insensitive celebration invitation. Dick Johnson, of Weathersfield, VT, invited friends and family to a high school graduation party for his son, making sure to include out-of-towners and distant relatives. The event was scheduled over the upcoming Independence Day holiday weekend, setting off a massive schism within the Johnson clan.

“I just thought more people would be available over a holiday weekend,” Johnson said. “Pretty nice of me to try to pick a date you already had free, right? I don’t understand why people are being such a**holes about it. I mean, it’s my kid, you don’t want to come celebrate with us, fine, piss off.”

“Yeah, that kid graduated two weeks ago,” said Johnson’s cousin Mimi Furst. “We’ve literally had our summer vacation planned for months and, surprise surprise, it’s scheduled over the one long holiday weekend we get for the whole f***ing summer. My deposit is non-refundable. Plus we see them all the time anyway. I can’t miss one f***ing thing?”

Family members have been quick to take sides, with some people arguing that the date was chosen out of consideration for the guests, and others strongly believing that no one should ever, under any circumstances, schedule a required family event over Memorial Day, Labor Day, or the 4th of July.

“Hey, I’d love to miss work to go to some family thing,” said Hugh Johnson, of undetermined familial connection, “but you know what I’m not going to miss? Uh, my vacation. Yeah, sorry kid. How about next time we have the graduation party at, oh, I don’t know, the graduation?”

Grandparents and family leaders Harry and Betty Johnson are refusing to take sides, and say that they hope the family will stop fighting and just get along for once in their damned lives.

Image Credits: Mandamonium .