Rebuffed by Denmark, Trump Announces Plans to Purchase Vermont
WASHINGTON – President Trump has cancelled his planned visit to Denmark after learning that Greenland is not for sale. We truly wish we were making […]
Month: August 2019
VT Legislators Decriminalize Embezzlement
MONTPELIER – Citing the rampant and common use of the practice, Vermont legislators have moved to decriminalize embezzlement, dropping the penalties from time in prison […]
Satire Writers Unsure If They Can Legally Record Court Case That Will Determine If They Can Legally Record Court Cases
WINOOSKI – New rules from the Vermont Judiciary that will restrict the recording of court cases have left some members of the media unsure about […]
Syrup & Cows #115 – 8/18/19 – Remote Worker Grant
Image Credits: Connor Byam.
US Borrows Money From China to Pay for Trade War
WASHINGTON – As fear of a recession looms, the United States Treasury is borrowing more money from China to pay for the repercussions of the […]
Burlington Moves to Simpler, Faster 10 Step/5 year Permitting Process
BURLINGTON – Responding to complaints from residents regarding the length and environmental impact of the permitting process, the Burlington City Council has approved a new […]
Sanders Leaning Towards Selecting Cardi B as VP if Nominated
DETROIT – VT Senator Bernie Sanders is close to selecting a candidate for vice-president were he to receive the Democratic nomination for president, and according […]
VT Addresses Booming Deer Population With Abstinence-Only Education for Fawns
BETHEL – In a compromise with the VT House, Governor Phil Scott has agreed to address the state’s rising deer population with a series of […]
Governor Names Trey Anastasio as Incoming Phish & Wildlife Commissioner
MONTPELIER – Governor Phil Scott announced today that he will appoint musician Trey Anastasio to replace retiring Phish and Wildlife Commissioner Nectar Rorris when Rorris […]
Jeffrey Epstein’s Top Client Dies in Mysterious Suicide Next Friday
NEW YORK CITY – In a shocking development, recently deceased prisoner Jeffrey Epstein’s former client, billionaire Les Wexler, has apparently committed suicide next Friday, despite […]