AVERY’S GORE – Armed with new research from the Abacus Foundation, (the same group that started the Anti-Vax campaign, as well as the Anti-Con Trail Campaign, the Anti-Wheat Thresher Campaign and the Bathroom Tissue is Bad for the Bottom Campaign), the “No 5G on my Watch” campaign will be holding a Fashion Show Fund Raiser, featuring the latest in protective head gear and other fashions constructed with Aluminum Foil. 5G refers to the latest high speed wireless voice and data transmission network systems currently being tested in select markets.
This is the show runways all over the world have been wanting to host, and lil’ ole Avery’s Gore, Vermont has been selected because of the rural location in a rural state. As rural parts of Vermont are unlikely to get full cell coverage, or any type of “G” service, before the end of this century, let alone 5G, this location seems optimal. The isolated nature of the site should also provide protection from floods, grasshopper hordes of biblical proportion, and support for efforts to remove the letter “G” from the alphabet, to confuse consumers.
Spokesperson Verlaine Fleigendesheisse shared in a press release, “While a complete lack of credible evidence is simply proof that THE CONSPIRACY IS WORKING, there is plenty more evidence that 5G is already here – and killing people, and cats! This is an Extinction Level event, and those fools who choose not join us at this event deserve what they get.”
There will be a silent auction at which bidders can offer to buy the fashionable, protective head wear, provided they are comfortable putting something on their heads that was touched by another set of human hands.
Organizers offer no further contact information but suggest that those who need more information will be contacted once they construct and don their own Aluminum Foil helmet which should be worn at all times.