Vermont Announces Move to Kelvin System of Temperature in Bid to Increase Positivity

MONTPELIER – Vermont Governor Phil Scott announced this week that the state will begin reporting temperatures in Kelvin, rather than the previously used Fahrenheit scale. There has been some growing support among Vermonters to switch to the metric system and use the Celsius scale, but Gov. Scott says even this does not go far enough.

“Have you ever woken up and heard on the radio that the temperatures are below zero?” Scott asked. “That we’re in the negatives? How does that make you feel? I’m guessing not very positive. But from now on, all Vermonters will be able to hear good news on the weather report.”

After the governor explained to the people listening what a radio was, and that people used it before cell phones to check the weather, he went on to provide examples of how the new system would improve the lives of Vermont residents on a daily basis.

“People have been asking about moving to Celsius, like our neighbors to the north, but honestly that’s even worse. Our 32 is their zero! So when we wake up to a twenty degree day, they’re below zero! But now, when it’s twenty degrees out, it will really be 266 out. That sounds much warmer! And when the temps drop to 40 below, we’ll happily report that the temperature is 233! I can’t warm people’s homes, but I can warm their hearts!”

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  1. This is almost as crazy as waking up and thinking we elected Phil Scott as a republican governor in the state of Vermont has a chance at recouping from the Socialist takeover

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