SORGAN – Many seemed unconcerned over the Trump Administration’s decision to remove the food safety net from nearly 700,000 Americans this week. The move could also take away school lunch from half a million children, leaving them less able to concentrate, learn, and succeed in life, which is apparently fine with many people. But there is now some pushback, as it was discovered that the internet’s favorite child, the unnamed baby from Yoda’s species, is on the list to lose benefits.
“Baby Yoda” (not their real name) is currently in the foster care system, having been orphaned at a young age and placed in the care of Lori Anne Mando. With no steady work, Mando has been earning money as a contractor, but often doesn’t have enough credits to fix up the family vehicle, or provide consistent food. Under the new rules, part-time contracting work may not qualify for SNAP benefits and, because Mando is not technically the legal parent of the child, Baby Yoda will lose access to their delicious and nutritious frogs starting in April.
“This is an outrage!” shouted former supporter of the changes Phillip McCoffers. “I was totally fine with close to a million Americans starving and dying, and if I had my way we’d also take their health care and their tax refunds, but not Baby Yoda! That thing is so frickin’ cute! How heartless do you have to be, to want to take anything away from that snuggly little alien?”
The baby of Yoda’s species had no comment, as it does not speak, but Mando confirmed the loss of benefits, and the devastating impact it will have on their family.
“It’s hard for me to get a drivers license,” Mando said, “because I can’t take my helmet off in front of anyone. And because I am, according to the books, childless, I’m losing my benefits. It’s hard to hold down steady work, because I have to keep moving planets. There are some…people after me. I’m just trying to keep the kid safe. I feel like I’ve already said too much. I don’t usually talk this much.”
The Trump administration has not responded to the controversy, or whether they might make an exception for Baby Yoda, and just let the rest of the poor people in American suffer horribly instead.