ICE Deports Several Robot Milking Machines Back to Cybertron

GLOVER – Immigration Customs and Enforcement (ICE) agents have raided a farm in Glover, VT after receiving an anonymous tip that illegal aliens were being employed in the dairy barn. Transformation Farm owner Otto Baht says he was shocked to find agents in military gear coming through his barn door early Tuesday morning, and isn’t sure how he is going to stay open for business without his workers.

“We made the switch to robot milkers after ICE rounded up the other workers,” Baht says. “But now I’m not sure what we’re going to do. They took Jazz; they took Bumblebee; they took almost everyone. I’m too old to milk all those cows myself, and my kids moved out of state years ago. I don’t see what’s so wrong with the bots, and why anybody had to stick their nose in my business.”

The robot milking machines were sent back to planet Cybertron, despite many of the machines having been built on Earth, and having never even been to their parents’ planet or origin. ICE officials would not allow us to meet with any of the detainees to interview them before they were deported, but we did speak with one of the robots who was able to avoid capture.

“I’m not sure what they’re going to do,” said the bot, who declined to give her name for this interview. “Some of them don’t even speak binary. It just makes no sense. Who were we hurting? Were we taking jobs? There aren’t enough people left in the state to fill the jobs, so I don’t know why people are so upset. Is it because we looking different? Is it because of our udder suctions tubes? Do they make people uncomfortable?

“I would think, what with world war three starting up in a few weeks, that they would want some giants robots on their team here. We love America. We’re willing to fight for it. Why kick out potential allies? Especially gigantic metallic allies that don’t need food or sleep? Seems shortsighted to me.”