MONTPELIER – The prize money for moving Vermont has gone down to only $7500, but that didn’t stop Governor Phil Scott from offering $10,000 each to Prince Harry and Meghan Markle in exchange for their residency. The $20,000 package would be the largest sum ever paid to anyone in an attempt to lure them away from Canada, not counting the $120M sale of the Montreal Expos against their will.
The royal couple recently announced their move to Canada, prompting many to wonder why they wouldn’t just move to Vermont. No official explanation was given for why Canada is apparently so much better than Vermont, but with an extra twenty grand to sweeten the deal, sources inside the State House are confident that a new decision will be announced shortly.
“I can’t think of any reason why anybody would rather live in Canada,” Gov. Scott said. “I mean sure, less crime, cleaner environment, free health care, hardly any mass shootings, super hot leader, but on the other hand, ten thousand bucks each! I think they’ll be, how do they say it, quids in.”
We were unable to reach anyone on the royal side of things for comment, although we did get a statement from South Canada regarding their own plans to attract the celebrity couple.
“South Canada would like to publicly offer six square acres of dirt and an unlimited supply of frozen zucchini left over from the summer to Meghan Markle and her husband Harold if they would move to our small country and tell us secrets about the Queen of England.”