Cases of Internet Hypnosis Soar in Vermont

BURLINGTON – Thousands of homebound Vermonters are complaining of sore eyes, lack of rest and frustration with internet postings like this one. The director of the C.D.C. Internet Frustration Center, Dr. Greg Abite, termed the problem a “Netdemic” that is of major concern. “It is across all population sectors, and the numbers have not leveled out,” he states. “People seem unable to pull themselves away from their screens.”

Over at the U.S. Public Health Service, Under-Associate Surgeon General Dr. Cy Ringe confirms that quarantines have created crankiness, boredom and frustration, as people are spending hours upon hours staring at computers, tablets, and smartphone screens. “The largest percentage are those using iPhones,” he continued. “People who use iPhones really like their iPhones.”

Teleconferencing services such as Zoom and Skype are adding to the Netdemic crisis, giving people one more opportunity to stare at a screen. Internet service providers that offer free internet have created a “Zombie” type user who “just cannot put the device down” says Burlington Telecom Manager and Taco Takeout specialist Frederick “Flash” Driver. “The internet is slowing down due to a nation of insomniacs!”

If the trend continues, state officials say they may begin mass Netdemic testing via social media.

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