Barre Police Promises to Work For Racial Justice By Killing More White People

BARRE – In response to the nationwide outrage and protests after the murder of George Floyd at the hands of police, the city of Barre, VT will require all police officers enroll in a new racial violence training program. The program, called “The Police Fairness Initiative,” seeks to address the inordinate police violence against black people by training their officers to kill more white people.

When asked why he started the program, the founder Don Blake stated, “It’s a huge issue in our country that Black Americans are 2.5 times more likely to be killed by police than White Americans, and the other training programs, focusing on killing fewer black people, didn’t seem to be changing that at all. I started thinking that there’s a whole other way to resolve this issue that would be much more successful.”

The program will offer several classes including:

  • How to Stomp on an Accountant’s Head
  • Fine Dining Laws You Can Escalate
  • I Think that Boater has a Gun
  • Contraband or Kombucha?

The goal of the program is for each officer to triple the number of white people they kill every year, thus bringing the numbers of black and white people killed by police more in line with each other. Blake hopes to see his program go nationwide to help resolve unfair police violence against black people.

“Those militia guys storming state buildings out in other parts of the country? Well, let’s just say they’d better not come to Barre.”

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