Giuliani Now In Charge of All Election Lawsuits

DETROIT – Now that Rudolph Giuliani is fully in charge of the Trump Post-Election Democracy Destabilization Campaign, he and Temporary President Trump held a press conference outside the equipment storage area of “Big Jim” Hilton’s Garden & Yard Center in North Detroit, whose motto is, “We’ll make your yard look like Paris!”  Only two reporters attended the press conference, both from Fox News, plus Shaggy, the garden center’s “Chewbacca” mascot.

At the “press conference,” Giuliani announced that he has just hired the law firm of Howard, Fine & Howard as the campaign’s new election contest attorneys.  Giuliani stated that Attorneys Moe Howard, Larry Fine, and Curly Howard will implement the campaign’s strategy of running around the courtroom, knocking things over, throwing cream pies, creating chaos, and wrecking everything.  “Many people are saying these guys are the best,” interjected TP Trump.  “I’ve heard such great things.  Take a look at their record and you’ll see.”  Plus, Giuliani announced that the attorneys are also electricians, plumbers, homebuilders, golfers, and surgeons, and that they’ve offered to rewire his house and also operate on him for free.

The Fox reporters asked Attorney Moe if he had any experience with election law, which made him explode in anger.  “Why, I oughta . . .” he responded, as he slapped the reporter across the face, tore out a chunk of his hair, attempted to saw him on the head, and poked him in the eye while making a “boiiing!” sound.  That prompted Attorney Curly Howard to remark, “Nyuk, nyuk!” and Shaggy to make a Chewbacca roaring noise.

Sean Hannity and Fox & Friends later praised Giuliani for the location of the press conference and his choice of attorneys and commented that this was more proof of TP Trump’s genius.  “The Democrats tried to steal this election, but with the help of Attorneys Moe, Larry, and Curly, we’re going to get it back!” said Hannity, demonstrating a complete lack of understanding of how elections work.

It was later revealed that the other person present at the press conference was not in fact Shaggy the garden center mascot, but former Trump advisor Steve Bannon who had taken a job with the garden center. 

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