The Winooski

The Winooski

Locally Sourced Organic Vermont Satire

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Articles by The Winooski

Burlington, Vermont Wins Acting Oscar For Pretending Not to Be Conservative

March 5, 2018 The Winooski 0

LOS ANGELES – The city of Burlington, Vermont took home an Oscar last night at the 90th Academy Awards for its role as “Progressive, Forward-Thinking […]

Syrup & Cows #039 – 3/4/18

March 4, 2018 The Winooski 1

Image Credits: Connor Byam.

Voters Concerned Local Ballots Do Not Reflect Their Individual Personalities

March 3, 2018 The Winooski 1

RUTLAND – Despite campaigns designed to increase voter turnout this Tuesday, officials are concerned that many Vermonters are not planning to vote in their local […]

Vermonters Sue, Say Texting While Driving Laws Violate 1st Amendment Rights

March 2, 2018 The Winooski 0

WINOOSKI – Several Vermont cell phone owners are reacting negatively to traffic tickets received for texting while driving, saying that any restrictions on mobile devices […]

Pomerleau Withdraws Support of F-35s After Actually Hearing One

March 1, 2018 The Winooski 2

SOUTH BURLINGTON – Real estate developer Ernie Pomerleau has withdrawn his support of the plan to base military F-35 jets at the Burlington International Airport […]

Vermont Schools to Replace Para-Educators With Paratroopers

February 28, 2018 The Winooski 0

MONTPELIER – Teachers across the state have been asking for more support from para-educators, even as the budgets for paras has been slashed at both […]

Northern Vermont University Installs Bullet Train Between Lyndon and Johnson

February 27, 2018 The Winooski 3

LYNDON – Many questioned the merger between Johnson State College and Lyndon State College, mostly asking why they did not name the new school “Lyndon […]

Gun Used in Nectar’s Shooting Blames Shooter, Claims It Does Not Kill People

February 26, 2018 The Winooski 0

BURLINGTON – A 2 AM shooting in downtown Burlington left residents upset and frightened, and many of them were looking to blame the gun itself […]

Syrup & Cows #038 – 2/25/18

February 25, 2018 The Winooski 0

Image Credits: Connor Byam.

Maple Vampires Begin Ancient Tree Blood Rituals in Preparation for Annual Harvest

February 24, 2018 The Winooski 4

SHELBURNE – In the old days they just used their teeth. Now, maple vampires are equipped with a wide array of technological tools to aid […]

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Recent Posts

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