VT Route 11 Deteriorating Due to Crumple-Horned Snorkack, Officials Say

LONDONDERRY – Frustration has been expressed by residents of Windham Country in southern Vermont, thanks to new information coming from the governor’s office. VT Route 11, especially between Londonderry and Chester, has fallen into almost total disrepair, and the local citizens have now been told that the damage is the work of a Crumple-Horned Snorkack.

“Look, I have several problems with the response from the state,” said Londonderry town clerk Kelly Pajala. “First of all, the road has been deteriorating for years, clearly due to the harsh winters and poor maintenance. Secondly, I feel that this is Montpelier’s way of shrugging off responsibility for a problem that they clearly need to address within this fiscal year. And also, and perhaps most importantly, Crumple-Horned Snorkacks don’t exist.”

When pressed for evidence as to the existence of these possibly mythical creatures, Vermont Highways Maintenance and Operations Bureau Director Scott “Xenophilius ” Rogers stated “I tell you they’re real! As real as you, or me, or a Nargle! And as everyone knows, the best thing to do when you’ve got a Crumple-Horned Snarkack tearing up your roads is to let it finish and leave on its own terms. My plan is to revisit this issue in three years, and make a more informed decision at that time.”

Pajala was not pleased with this answer. “I can’t wait three years to go to work!” she said. “I don’t think any of our cars are going to survive even one more year of these conditions! And, again, I must impress upon you the non-existence of the Crumple-Horned Snarkack.”

Liked it? Take a second to support The Winooski on Patreon!
Become a patron at Patreon!


  1. I say this road is the worst road I have ever seen. I had to travel it in February with Shingles rash on my back and the trip was sheer torture. I understand that the huge trucks going through to Albany at night is part of the problem. I suggest the people in charge and a contingent of senators from other parts of the state come down and have a lovely day riding on it.

  2. Wow blame it on a mythical character from Harry Potter that supposedly lives in Swenden ? More and More I want to move out of this State.

  3. Thanks for the southern Vermont love! Nice to see recognition of life south of Rutland from a state-wide media outlet. And, after reading your comment sections, may I suggest an article? “Survey Shows Some Vermonters Don’t Recognize Satire.” Best of luck with that.

  4. Do you mind if I quote a couple of your posts as long as I provide credit and sources
    back to your weblog? My blog is in the very same area
    of interest as yours and my visitors would really
    benefit from a lot of the information you present here.
    Please let me know if this alright with you. Regards!

    • Huh. We thought the Vermont Crumple-Horned Snorkack area of interest was fairly exclusive. But hey, go ahead! As long as you don’t quote full posts and make sure to credit and link back, feel free to quote away!

2 Trackbacks / Pingbacks

  1. When fake news is fun | The Chester Telegraph
  2. Protesters Leave Anti-Construction Signs on State Roads – The Winooski

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.