BENNINGTON – Geography can be confusing, at least according to Dave Thompson of Bennington. Thompson tells reporters that he cannot figure out if he lives in the north or the south.
“I always thought I lived down south,” Thompson says, holding a map of the state, “because all my friends in Rutland and Barre keep telling me they won’t drive down here, because I live too far south. Plus check out this map, there’s Bennington, right there at the bottom. Bottom means south in map talk.” Thompson went on to elaborate on the many times he was left out of social gatherings due to his extreme southerly location.
Later, Thompson went on to reveal the new information that has caused his confusion. “So anyway,” he said, “I went onto Facebook and mentioned that I lived in the south, and suddenly I got all these people telling me that I live in the north! They say everywhere in the whole dang state is north, and that just don’t make any sense at all! But now I’m worried. Do I live in the north?”
Thompson eventually enlisted the help of some local geographers, but says he ended up more confused than ever. “First I get told I don’t live in the south, and then they start telling me I live in the east! Look at the map! I live in the west!”
After months of crisis, Thompson says he’s going to stop worrying about it. “Look, honestly, I blame the internet. Every actual human I ever met in the real world knows I live in the southwest. Me living in the northeast is just more of that fake news you’re always hearing about. The internet can [expletive deleted].”
An unscientific poll of Bennington residents showed that the majority of people do believe they are living in the southwest, although this is in stark contrast to the residents of Pownal, who strongly believe that Bennington is firmly part of the northeast. No further clarifications were available at press time.
Image Credits: Shannon McGee.
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