Jay Peak Sued For Fraud, Not Actually a Mountain

JAY – Residents in the town of Jay, Vermont have gotten used to dealing with the winter tourists who flood their home turf each year as they visit Jay Peak and ski down what was assumed to be a mountain. But now the locals are angry at the resort, and at the state, after it was revealed that Jay Peak is not a mountain after all, but just an extremely large pile of documents.

“It just sucks, you know?” complains Jay resident Martin Dufresne. “All this time we thought we were looking at nature’s beauty, and now we find out that it wasn’t snow after all, but paper? Come on, man! Seriously?” Dufresne’s sentiments were echoed by other residents at an emergency town hall meeting, during which the town decided to take legal action against the popular resort, and against the state itself. Evidence is piling up that the state knew full well that there was no mountain in Jay, and the evidence is piled up right where the mountain was assumed to be.

“Normally when we say we have a mountain of evidence, it’s just a figure of speech,” reports attorney Jesse Bugbee, who has been hired by the town to represent their case. “But wow, there is really a, well, I mean, you get the picture.” The documents in question point to a variety of criminal activity from the resort, as well as from state officials who knew about the lack of mountain, but did little to prevent the fraud. “Not only did they not say anything,” says Bugbee, “but anybody who found out that they were skiing down a pile of documents was fired, reassigned, or paid off to keep quiet. It’s incredible. I have literally thousands of medical reports of guests being treated for paper cuts that never saw the light of day. Until now. Justice will be served.”

Ariel Quiros, the Miami businessman who purchased Jay Peak Resort in 2008, claims that he did nothing wrong. “I don’t think it’s a big deal,” says Quiros. “People still had fun skiing, whether or not there was actually a mountain there or not.” When confronted with the additional fraud allegations that have since surfaced from the mountain of documents, Quiros said only, “What’s wrong with a pyramid scheme? The mountain is shaped like a pyramid!”

It is unclear how these revelations will affect next year’s skiing season, although one immediate difference is that the popular “Can-Am Super Trail” will be renamed the “Can-Am Paper Trail.”

Image Credits: Mark Drago.

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