OPINION: You Are a Stupidhead

The internet is seemingly saturated with people who have differing values and opinion from my own. I make my points, they make theirs, and it is incumbent upon me to carefully consider their arguments and to attempt to come to some sort of middle-ground version of the truth. I have done this, and to those who disagree with me, I now say to you that, in my professional estimation, you are big stupidheads.

While both of us want what is best for this town, this state, and this country, it has become clear to me now, through hours of examination and thoughtful study, that you are a doody-brain. Your conclusions lack the remotest trace of actual fact or evidence, and the slim proofs that you do present are clearly lies told to you by an even bigger poop monster than yourself. I would pity you, if not for the irreversible harm you are doing to the world around you with your stinky face and your ugly butt noggin.

I hope that someday our worldviews will reconcile and that we can emerge into a new future as friends and compatriots, working together to forge a new and better tomorrow that ensures freedom and security for all people. But I doubt it. Because of how much you suck farts.

In conclusion, despite being nearly identical to me in every way that counts, other than ideologically, you are what is wrong with everything, and I hope you fall into a vat of manure and that no one ever kisses you. And if you should choose to respond, with your false logic and imagined moral superiority, I can only say to your potential rebuttal that I know you are, but what am I?

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