The Winooski

The Winooski

Locally Sourced Organic Vermont Satire

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Month: July 2017

Milton Bar Allowed Young Children to Enter, Purchase Beverages

July 31, 2017 The Winooski 2

MILTON – An undercover The Winooski reporter has obtained proof that a local bar in Milton has been allowing children to enter, and that these children […]

Syrup & Cows #008 – 7/30/17

July 30, 2017 The Winooski 0

Image Credits: Connor Byam.

Vermont 2018 State Budget Allocates No Money to Oceans

July 29, 2017 The Winooski 0

MONTPELIER – The Vermont state budget that went into effect this month was hailed as a success of eleventh hour compromise when it was passed […]

Biblical Millstone Uncovered in NY Lake

July 28, 2017 The Winooski 0

OLMSTEADVILLE, NY – While on a fishing trip with three friends in the Adirondack Park, Pastor Wilbur McCoy discovered what is believed to be the […]

Air Force to Deliver Up to 3 Helicarriers to Vermont Air National Guard

July 27, 2017 The Winooski 0

SOUTH BURLINGTON – Despite the apparent demise of the S.H.I.E.L.D. military program, the Vermont Air National Guard is still slated to receive up to three […]

Federal Buildings in Vermont Refuse to Put Up President’s Picture That Was Never Sent

July 26, 2017 The Winooski 1

RUTLAND – Federal buildings across the state of Vermont are refusing to hang up the pictures of the current U.S. president that were never sent […]

Gov. Scott Overthrown in Coup By Mosquito-Led Forces

July 25, 2017 The Winooski 0

MONTPELIER – After weeks of intense struggle, Governor Phil Scott has surrendered the state of Vermont to the leader of the mosquito army and resigned […]

South Burlington Sues Neighbor Over Name Dispute

July 24, 2017 The Winooski 1

SOUTH BURLINGTON – In a move that threatens to drive a deep wedge between neighboring Vermont cities, South Burlington City Council voted to sue Burlington […]

Syrup & Cows #007 – 7/23/17

July 23, 2017 The Winooski 0

Image Credits: Connor Byam.

Amish Complete Successful Barn Razing

July 22, 2017 The Winooski 0

LEWIS, NY – Well known for their skill at barn building, a group of local Amish craftsmen have discovered there is a market for lowering […]

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