MONTPELIER – After weeks of intense struggle, Governor Phil Scott has surrendered the state of Vermont to the leader of the mosquito army and resigned his office. The final defeat of the humans comes after a major mosquito victory this past weekend at what is now being called the “Battle of Barre.” Men, women, and children alike were laid low by the thousands as the tiny freedom fighters stormed the city and drank the blood of their victims. A wall was hastily erected around the capitol city of Montpelier, but the invaders simply flew over it and quickly gained access to all government buildings.
“We have no choice but to surrender to the mosquitoes,” the former governor said in a prepared statement. “We cried out to the world, but no help came. There is no escape, and there is no hope. I am resigning my office effective immediately, and turning the keys to the state house over to General Bzzt. I trust that this process will remain peaceful from here on out, and may God have mercy on all of us.”
The mosquitoes were seen celebrating through the streets, parks, fields, forests, farms, marshes, and swamps of Vermont, drinking Bloody Marys and terrorizing the general populace. Citizens are being advised to never leave their homes again.
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