SOUTH CANADA – Alan Fletcher, the former town clerk and treasurer of Richford, VT before it seceded and became known as South Canada, has been appointed as Secretary of the Treasury of the fledgling nation, and he has already gotten to work creating a new currency. This unusual dirt-based financial system draws on what Fletcher calls South Canada’s most plenteous resource.
“I know a thing or two about money,” Fletcher told reporters, “being the Richford treasurer for so long, and I know that a nation’s currency has to be backed up by something or it just doesn’t work out. Well, we don’t have any gold here in South Canada, and we don’t have diamonds or oil, but we do have the most valuable and dependable resource of all. Land. And so when I was thinking about our beautiful real estate up here, or down here if you are from regular Canada, it just came to me. Our currency will be actual land! So from now on, stores here in South Canada will only be accepting dirt as payment. Remember that when you come to visit.”
The recently appointed Secretary of Defense Brad Wetherby maintains that the new currency will decrease crime in South Canada. “I used to be the sheriff around here, that’s why Skunk appointed me, and I can guarantee you that the police, I mean the army, will have a much easier time from here on out. Stopping guys carrying shovels is a lot easier than stopping guys holding guns.”
Fletcher says that he has reached out to the IMF and World Bank seeking a decision on international exchange rates for the new currency, but has not heard back. “I sent something to their main e-mails,” Fletcher says, ” but if anyone has a contact they could hook me up with, that would be awesome.”
Federal Reserve Chairman Yelin just quit. Maybe approach her and ask her to put in a few hours a week launching the new Dirt Dollar on the global currency exchanges? I hear she’s not cheap but maybe a generous offer of a few hundred dirt loads might do the trick?