SOUTH CANADA – U.S. President Donald Trump’s current legal troubles may be causing his supporters some concern, at least among those who believe he has any legal troubles at all, but a ray of hope may be shining from the minuscule nation of South Canada, who offered this week to shelter the president should the need arise for him to flee the country. Trump’s legal team is reportedly looking into crafting an executive order that would prevent the U.S. from extracting anyone seeking asylum in South Canada.
“I’ve made my offer, and my offer stands,” said South Canadian president Charlene “Skunk” Bedard. “I understand that there’s a lot of dirt on this guy. A huge amount of dirt, right? And we could honestly use some of that dirt here. I’ve spoken personally with President Trump and he has personally assured me that no one is dirtier than he is. We’re going to use that dirt to strengthen our infrastructure. And he’s already been offered a job over at Greenwood’s as a busboy, so it’s really a win-win.”
South Canadians had mixed feelings about the announcement, with some people pleased that their country might soon be safe from attack by the United States, while others concerned about whether the service at Greenwood’s might decline. U.S. citizens stated that they were not able to form an opinion until they were able to ascertain what their neighbors on the other side of the political spectrum thought, so as to properly oppose them.
“It’s a risk,” said Alan Fletcher, South Canada’s Treasury Secretary. “We’re going to be spending an awful lot of dirt to get this guy over here, but I think it will pay off in the end. From what I hear, they’re going to be digging up his dirt for years to come, and there seems to be no telling how deep it goes. He really does have the best dirt.”