Burlington School Board Eliminates Teachers Entirely, Asks City for 300 Robots

BURLINGTON – The Burlington School Board has asked the city for a bond of $12M to aid in the purchasing of up to 300 teaching robots that would replace the human educators currently employed in the district. Superintendent Yaw Obeng supports the proposal, stating that program would significantly speed up his long term goal of eliminating all teachers and replacing them with support staff for himself. Some opponents of the plan worry about the effect on employment in the region, while others are concerned about the cost.

“Yes, it’s expensive,” said Board Chair Mark Porter, “But we feel that overall this will be a big savings to the community. Robot maintenance is projected to be 28% less expensive than teacher salaries. Plus no one on the board hates robots, so there is already an advantage in future negotiations.”

“Nobody here hates or disrespects teachers, I just want to clear that up,” said vice-chair Stephanie Seguino. “You’re thinking of guidance counselors.”

The board is hoping for the robot bond to be approved by this evening so the impending teachers’ strike becomes moot and people will stop bugging them about it. Either way the board says it plans on getting rid of all teaching positions so it can focus on the new district website.

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