WINOOSKI – Despite multiple protests, air-tight logic, and a democratic vote, writers for The Winooski, an online satire website focusing on the state of Vermont, are being told that they must publish something on Christmas day. Although they explained very clearly that it is customary to give the entire day off, and that they would submit an article all the earlier the next day, they were informed that the site intended to publish a piece despite the national holiday.
Arguments made by the site, all stupid, include irrelevant facts such as:
- Newspapers put out editions on Christmas (we are not a newspaper)
- People still go on the internet on holidays (only bad people – put your phones down!)
- Not everyone celebrates Christmas (we would be fine with getting Yom Kippur off as well)
- Just do it or you’re fired (none of us are paid)
The writers are considering their options, and may refuse to submit a piece regardless. They may also opt to write a protest piece in place of satire, calling out their editor-in-chief as a mean grinch. This would be awkward, as the head writer for The Winooski is also the editor-in-chief, but it may come to that.
The writers encourage you not to read this, in the hopes that next year we will have the day off, due to very low traffic numbers on major holidays.