MLK Day Celebrations Put on Hold, Citing Lack of Social Progress

WINOOSKI – Several events set to focus on the legacy of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. were postponed today in Vermont, as organizers struggled to find justification for celebration. Concern was raised over the fact that the state looked poised to legalize marijuana without the immediate release of the largely African-American population currently incarcerated due to non-violent drug charges. There were also accusations of cultural appropriation, as some wondered what right the second-whitest state in the country had to speak about racial integration.

“It’s not that I don’t think Dr. King had good things to say,” said one organizer who wishes to remain anonymous, “but it’s clear that it just didn’t work. He was right, but I don’t know that anyone cared. He said ‘Nothing in all the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity,’ but sadly those two things could be the country’s new motto these days. I’d love to celebrate the progress we’ve made this year thanks to Dr. King, but have we really made any lately?”

Recent polls show that racial tensions in the U.S. are are their highest levels in years. Event officials hope to resume the celebrations next year, provided some sort of progress has been made toward basic human decency, and actually judging people on the content of their characters once in a while.