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Month: January 2018

Donald Trump Performs Entirely Satirical State of the Union Address

January 31, 2018 The Winooski 0

WASHINGTON, DC – The nation was treated to an exceptional performance of political satire on Tuesday evening by U.S. President Donald Trump, who used his […]

Vermont Sends State-Wide Text Alert Warning of Potential Catamount Attack

January 30, 2018 The Winooski 1

MONTPELIER – The state of Vermont sent its first text alert on Monday to every citizen with a registered cell phone, warning residents of a […]

After Budget Cuts, Putney Grammar School No Longer Cool With Embezzling

January 29, 2018 The Winooski 0

PUTNEY – Police in southern Vermont arrested a woman from Chester last week after private Putney school ‘The Grammar School’ suddenly decided they didn’t like […]

Syrup & Cows #034 – 1/28/18

January 28, 2018 The Winooski 0

Image Credits: Connor Byam.

New Hampshire Accused of Slowly Moving Vermont Border

January 27, 2018 The Winooski 1

WHITE RIVER JUNCTION – The Connecticut River has long been the fixed border between the New England states of Vermont and New Hampshire, but now […]

Vermont Closed Today Due to Sickness

January 26, 2018 The Winooski 1

WINOOSKI – The entire state of Vermont is closed today, due to the fact that all of its citizens have taken ill. Between colds, the […]

Marijuana Shop Opens at South Canadian Border

January 25, 2018 The Winooski 0

SOUTH CANADA – With the news of Vermont’s legalization of the possession, but not sale, of marijuana this week, the tiny nation of South Canada […]

Men’s Rights Activists Furious Over Lack of Inclusion in Best Actress Category

January 24, 2018 The Winooski 0

DUMMERSTON – After Tuesday morning’s announcement of the 2018 academy award nominees, men’s rights activists took to the internet to express their outrage over the […]

Gov. Scott Upgrades to iPhone X “With Mixed Emotions”

January 23, 2018 The Winooski 0

MONTPELIER – Gov. Phil Scott was seen outside the AT&T store yesterday with a new iPhone X in his hand. This surprised many Vermonters, as […]

Drug Sniffing Police Dogs Looking For Other Work After Massive Layoffs

January 22, 2018 The Winooski 0

PITTSFORD – With Vermont’s governor expected to sign legislation today legalizing marijuana throughout the state, many police dogs trained to sniff out the previously illicit […]

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