SOUTH CANADA – With the news of Vermont’s legalization of the possession, but not sale, of marijuana this week, the tiny nation of South Canada has lost no time in trying to capitalize on that systemic glitch. A duty-free marijuana shop has opened up at the border crossing, with customers walking through a turnstile to pay for the drug in South Canada and receiving it as they continue through back to the U.S. The store officially opens July 1st, but is currently in beta testing for select shoppers.
“We open in July of course, because that’s when the law changes,” said owner Bud LaPlante, “but we’re selling a little right now. We don’t use the turnstile yet, so if you do come to buy some of our product we have a little toking area to the side where you can do what you need to do for a few minutes before heading back across to Vermont. But once we really get going this summer we’re expecting big lines and no time for that sort of thing. It’s going to be in and out pretty quickly. Pre-orders are through the roof, so we’re pretty excited for July.”
LaPlante was given permission to open the store at the border crossing by President Bedard herself, after discussions with her cabinet members. Bedard says there was little resistance to the idea.
“It’s a ****in’ no-brainer, am I right?” Bedard told press. “Brad was like, ‘I love this idea,” so there were no security issues that we don’t think we can handle. Angela said it would improve relations with Vermonters a ton, and Alan was super excited. He was like, ‘We’re gonna make so much dirt!’ So yeah, this is happening. I have no idea why Vermont would legalize having something and then not legalize selling it. Make’s no sense. But who cares?! Let us collect the taxes on it, and they can suck it!”
South Canada plans to tax the sale of marijuana heavily, but LaPlante is not concerned about that impacting sales or his revenue.
“Dude, it’s pot,” he said. “People are going to pay whatever. They don’t care. Still cheaper than the black market!”