The Winooski

The Winooski

Locally Sourced Organic Vermont Satire

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Month: May 2018

University of Vermont Medical Center Addresses Staffing Shortages By Eliminating Staff

May 31, 2018 The Winooski 26

BURLINGTON – Dr. John Brumsted announced today a “bold new plan” to reduce the number of positions that the University of Vermont Medical Center has […]

Bed Bath & Beyond Loses 1500 Undocumented Customers

May 30, 2018 The Winooski 0

WILLISTON – A recent report by Bed Bath & Beyond store manager Anne Seagate claims that the big box store in Williston has lost almost […]

UVM Medical Center Study Shows Blood Easier to Draw When Boiling

May 29, 2018 The Winooski 2

BURLINGTON – The UVM Medical Center, formerly Fletcher Allen Hospital, formerly the Medical Center Hospital of Vermont, formerly Mary Fletcher Hospital, formerly a green hill […]

Americans Spend Day Honoring Fallen Heroes by Desecrating Flag

May 28, 2018 The Winooski 2

WINOOSKI – Vermonters joined the millions of Americans today in a disrespectful and shameful celebration of those who gave their lives defending the freedoms that […]

Syrup & Cows #051 – 5/27/18

May 27, 2018 The Winooski 0

Image Credits: Connor Byam.

Burlington Superintendent Given Permission to Work Remotely From Arizona

May 26, 2018 The Winooski 4

BURLINGTON – The Burlington city council approved a controversial request this week that will allow the school superintendent Yaw Obeng to work remotely from Arizona, […]

Thetford Opens State-of-the-Art Performing Arts Stairwell

May 25, 2018 The Winooski 0

THETFORD – Thanks to a generous grant and the tireless dedication of local musician Kevin Quigley, the town of Thetford, VT has just opened a […]

South Canada Cancels Plans for NFL Expansion Team After Anthem Decision

May 24, 2018 The Winooski 0

SOUTH CANADA – After the recent decision by the National Football League (NFL) that it would fine teams if players did not stand for the […]

Governor Scott Loses Pen, Vetoes All Bills

May 23, 2018 The Winooski 1

MONTPELIER – After a long and difficult, but ultimately productive, legislative session, many Vermont lawmakers were dismayed to learn that Vermont Governor Phil Scott had […]

Drinking Fountain Remembers Days When Squirting Water Was Enough

May 22, 2018 The Winooski 0

WAITSFIELD – A public drinking fountain in Waitsfield, VT is disappointed in the newer models popping up around the state, and is questioning some of […]

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