Looming Mental Health Crisis as Toys ‘R’ Us Kids Forced to Grow Up

WILLISTON – State officials are warning health care professionals of a serious problem just ahead. A report filed by the Governor’s Task force formed to look into this potentially catastrophic situation concludes: ‘There is growing evidence that large numbers of “Toys ‘R’ Us Kids” who “didn’t wanna grow up” will indeed “flip their lids” when the retailer closes its Williston store.’

With the state’s mental health resources already strained, officials worry that increasing the number of Vermonters forced into what has pejoratively been called ‘adulting’ will finally push the system past its breaking point.

“We’re extremely concerned,” one insider said, on condition of anonymity. “Society has naturally progressed to where 40 is the new 10. Adults are lining up to buy toys, play games, and watch juvenile entertainment. From bikes, to trains, to video games, its one of the biggest problems the state is facing. What’s going to happen when tens of thousands of adults are forced, against their wills, to being acting responsibly, putting community needs ahead of their own, and spending up to minutes at a time not being stimulated for the purposes of entertainment? We may be looking at the collapse of civilization.”

Toys ‘R’ Us is located, for now, in Williston, at least until they liquidate your childhoods, and the million toys at Toys ‘R’ Us that you can play with.

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