Mass Exodus Sees Burlington Lose One Fourth of Its Residents Overnight

BURLINGTON – In a shocking and sudden population decline, the largest city in Vermont lost over 25% of its population in one day as residents packed up and moved out of the area. The mass of departing people, mostly young, able-bodied individuals between the ages of 18-22, has dealt a severe blow to the area’s economy, although it may prove to be a boon for those dealing with the ongoing housing crisis.

City officials are at a loss as to why so many people have suddenly abandoned their lives in the area. Campaigns have been run for years in an attempt to lure young people to the city and the state, and also to improve retention. While it could potentially be a large-scale coincidence, some see evidence of a darker conspiracy.

“I don’t think they left,” said Burlington resident Ellis Dee, “I think they were taken. Hear me out, man. Were you in town this weekend? Tons of out-of-state plates on the roads, the streets were filled with folks I’d never seen before, and I know just about everybody in town. Almost every kid that ‘left’ was being ushered around by one or two strange older adults, like in their fifties probably. They all went to lunch on Sunday afternoon, and then suddenly they were all gone. And you think they just left? I’m not the crazy one in this scenario, man.”

Burlington mayor Miro Weinberger says he does not believe that there was an organized kidnapping in Burlington, and that any residents still left in the city should feel safe and secure. “No, I don’t know where they all went,” Weinberger said, “but there’s no cause for alarm. This has happened before. In a few months, I’m willing to bet they’ll all be back. Yes, I’ve heard some noise about people disappearing, but if you look at my record, you will note that noise doesn’t bother me at all.”


Image Credits: University of Vermont.

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