BURLINGTON – A group of local parents spent Saturday morning at a public park shouting lies to their children in front of a crowd of onlookers. The kids, ranging in age from 5-11, were engaged in various competitions of sport as the deliberate obfuscations of fact were hurled in their directions.
”Good job Emma!” lied one parent as their daughter performed demonstrably terribly.
“You got this Max!” lied another parent to their son who, according to a scientific study, did not have this.
Other falsehoods being called out included things like “Nice Kick!” “Great shot!” and “No, of course we don’t mind getting up at 6 on a Saturday to support you!”
The children seemed oblivious to the fact that, in fact, the facts were alternative, and continued to accept the exaggerated praise as their parents grimaced into their coffees on the sidelines, as they will continue to do for the next infinity weeks.