WASHINGTON DC – A federal judge yesterday annuled the wedding of Brett and Ashley Kavanaugh when the former Mrs. Kavanaugh produced a calendar from 2004 that did not show a wedding on the date that Mr. Kavanaugh claims they were married. The court ruled that, in a he-said, she-said situation such as this, even with plenty of witnessess and photographs, there can be no conclusive evidence that the wedding actually took place, and the union was annulled immediately.
“You can see right here your honor,” she said, pulling out her phone to open the calendar app. “I’m scrolling back to 2004 and there’s no wedding of any kind listed. Honestly, Brett may have married someone that day, but it sure wasn’t me. Maybe he is mis-remembering?”
“You didn’t even have that calendar then!” Kavanaugh protested angrily while cradling a six-pack of Bud Light. “This is just nuts!”
The judge quickly agreed that Ms. Estes, formerly Kavanaugh, would clearly never have married such a creature as was present in the courtroom that day, and declared the marriage null and void until such a time as further evidence could be brought forward proving conclusively that there had been a wedding at all.
“I swear, we were married! I mean are married!” shouted Kavanaugh. “I’ll take a polygraph! Anything! Shouldn’t you at least investigate this further?!”
Vermont Senator Patrick Leahy supported the ruling, saying that great certainty must be present in cases like these, as husbands are appointed for life, just like Supreme Court justices and senators from Vermont.
Image Credits: Jacquelyn Martin, AP.
It is reported that several women have now tearfully come forward claiming that they were at college beer parties with Brett Kavanaugh and that he did not marry them.