SOUTH CANADA – In a tweet that most initially assumed was a joke, President Charlene “Skunk” Bedard of South Canada has challenged US President Donald Trump to a mixed martial arts (MMA) battle inside the UFC Octagon. Bedard was inspired by a tweet from pop singer Justin Bieber, who recently challenged Tom Cruise to a similar fight.
“I wanna challenge Donald Trump to fight in the octagon. Don, if you don’t take this fight your [sic] scared and you will never live it down. Winner takes both countries. Who is willing to put on the fight?”
President Bedard is one of 912 people currently running for US president in the democratic primaries, but she says that a cage fight would speed the process along, and she is confident in her chances against President Trump.
“Are you kidding me? He’s like a thousand years old and only eats cheeseburgers,” President Bedard said. “My cat could take the guy down.” The US President is 73 years old, a full 16 years older than the 57-year-old Bedard. “This is a real battle Donald, not one of your tweet fights. Imma hit you so hard your tax returns fly out your blowhole.”
President Trump has not responded to the tweet, but White House Press Secretary told press that the president is literally the best MMA fighter in the history of the world, that he actually invented MMA fighting even though the lying media won’t tell you that, and that, as the busiest president in the history of America, he will probably be too busy golfing to accept the challenge, which is actually a favor to President Bedard so that she won’t be humiliated in front of her nation and the world.
She needs to up the ante. Say, a bag of White Castle sliders…