MONTPELIER – After years of debate, the greatest divide in our modern society may finally be getting an official, legal decision next week. The Vermont Supreme Court has agreed to hear testimony regarding the pronunciation of “GIF,” the popular computer file type. The case, known informally as “Girard v. Garnett,” will hopefully answer the most confounding question of the age.
Although the debate over the pronunciation goes back almost as far the internet itself, the conflict in question began over two websites. It is unclear exactly which party began the animosity, but Geoff Girard’s website ‘www.geoffsgifs.com’ filed a suit in 2016 against Greg Garnett’s website ‘www.gregsgifs.com’ with a motion that called out the site for confusing users. Garnett filed a countersuit and the case has steadily made its way through the court system for over three years.
“I’m not sure how much I can legally say,” said Girard, but the guy who invented the format says it’s pronounced ‘gif,’ so I feel like the case is closed already. You make something, you get to name it. And my website would not make any sense, phonetically speaking, if it were pronounced ‘gif.'”
“He’s insane,” said Garnett. “GIF stands for ‘Graphics Interchange Format,’ so you clearly pronounce it ‘gif.’ Everyone pronounces it ‘gif.’ We have precedence. I’m not worried. I mean, imagine if you went to a website called ‘Greg’s GIFs.’ That would sound terrible! It’s ‘Greg’s GIFs’ and we’re going to get a ruling that proves it.”
Girard is planning to bring several experts with him to testify, including tech giant Genevieve Geneau and regional genius George Gilette. “We won’t be gentle,” Girard alleged. “And when I emerge the winner, I will expect a genuine apology.”
“Gosh, that sounds good,” said Garnett, “except I’ve got my own group of guys to testify: Graham Geist, the guy from Google; Gary Griffin, a great government ally; and Grant Gagan, a grand and glorious expert on glottals. I’m glad they’re giving us our day in court.”
The testimony will be watched closely by much of the country, including presidential hopefuls Kirstin Gillibrand and Pete Buttigieg, who could potentially stack the US Supreme Court one way or the other if the trial is appealed.
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