Vermonters Worried About New Cases of Canuckian Virus

GLASTONBURY – A newly discovered pandemic has been striking large Vermont Utilities. The “Canuckian Virus” has been rampantly encroaching into the Green Mountain State. Reportedly a name change is planned for Green Mountain Power and Vermont Gas Systems. The new corporate name will be “Verde (feminine version as this is a soft viral takeover) Mont Power and Gas of Quebec.”

Recent events involving Canadian National Railway utilizing Vermont tracks are leading to speculation that a new Verde Mont Quebec Rail Systems is contemplated. Another indicator of the spread of the “Canuckian Virus” came when Representative Paris Messier of Glastonbury introduced a bill requiring Canadian be taught in Verde Mont Schools. Representative Nono Engle of Shoreham voiced opposition. The sixth generation hemp farmer stated firmly that Vermont doesn’t need a third language. His wife Sihable Engle agreed.

The Vermont Health Department says it has no vaccines or control measures at this time, but has advised residents to wash their hands regularly, while taking care to avoid washing their mains. A spokesman for the Governor’s office did confirm that a Canadian Delegation suggested moving the Vermont International Stock Exchange from Stockbridge to Montpelier. The Governor was unavailable for comment while prepping a race car for the Grand Prix of Montreal. As the “Canuckian Virus” continues to move south, Border Patrol is retraining Agents in French. It was also noted that more and more roadside signs on I-89 and I-91 say “Bienvenu.”

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