Woodstock Bans COVID-19 Within Town Limits

WOODSTOCK – Woodstock has become the first Vermont community to ban COVID-19 by ordinance. Woodstock Town Manger Rocky Feller made the announcement following a Skype meeting of the Board of Selectman. An ordinance has been immediately enacted to communicate that the town does not welcome the Coronavirus, despite Woodstock’s sanctuary city designation.

Woodstock Police Chief Stan Gunn indicated that the ordinance will be enforced once signs are placed every two hundred feet around the community. “We shall arrest this virus before it breaks into our homes and businesses” the Chief stated. Select Board Chair Frank Lee Aleet says the measure is not meant to build a wall around Woodstock but to reaffirm that “this community has always maintained a spacial distance from the rest of Vermont.” “After all we successfully banned mobile homes from being hauled through town” he added.

Town physician Dr. Katten Shwab says she suggested the ordinance is not a measure to “mask” the town from reality but to “contain” the virus outside of our pristine village. Dr. Shwab also expressed disappointment that the Trump proposed $1,000.00 checks would not go to Woodstock’s many millionaires, many of whom have suffered heavy stock losses and slight dips in their excess disposable income.

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