WASHINGTON – Amid controversies surrounding Temporary President Trump’s decision to delay stimulus checks so that he could have his name printed on them, the National Bureau of Engraving and Printing (BOEAP) is reporting that they have also been ordered to halt the printing of US currency until a new design has been sent along. The new design will feature TP Trump’s face on the $100 bill, and will be sent to any stimulus recipients who do not use checks or bank accounts.
“It’s most unusual,” said Bill Cash, Director of BOEAP. “Usually the Treasury Department has the final say on currency design. But now we are hearing that the White House may potentially do away with the Treasure Department? The rumors are that the president now has absolute authority over all the earth, and that decision traditionally made by other departments will now be made exclusively from the Oval Office.”
The BOEAP will only be printing $100 bills from this point forward, as sources inside the White House say that TP Trump finds bills in lower denominations “dumb.” Coins will also no longer be produced, with the exception of the $100 coin with Trump’s face on both sides, leaving it up to the user to decide which side is “tails.”
With a sudden drop in coin production, the US Mints in Philadelphia, Denver, and San Francisco will now adjust their machines to produce larger -than-life-sized golden statues of TP Trump for each metropolitan area in the country, as well as many rural centers. Citizens may be required to bow down and pay homage to the statues at some point in the future, but nothing official has been reported at this time.
This is all because Trump hears the clamor for “more PPE!” and he thinks it means “Presidential Power Expansion.”
“Many people are saying that this is the best $100 bill ever. It’s already worth more than $100! I mean, take a look at the cheap Obama $100 bills. If you can even find any. Nobody liked them. They were from the government. Mine are from the private sector! Can you find any of Obama’s now? No, you can’t, because people hated them so much they threw them all away. The corrupt media is not telling you that. Sad!”
With statuary, at last we will have the opportunity to kiss his Golden Ass!