Vermont’s Poorest Residents Encouraged to Hire Better Lobbyists

MONTPELIER – VT lobbyists , with some assistance from the Governor, are determining which businesses to open, and the sequence of opening that guarantees the highest profit and benefit to the economy. While these discussions will lead to financial relief for business owners, the unemployed are offered only apologies and promises, leading many to encourage the poorest residents to hire better lobbyists for themselves.

“Look, I get it,” said dairy lobbyist Chase Billings, “they don’t have a lot of money to spend on our services. But a lot of people are stuck at home, including some lobbyists. Maybe somebody would be willing to do some pro bono work, or at least at a reduced rate. What kind of political organization do the homeless have these days? They got some sort of union at least?”

There has been some pushback from the unemployed, with many saying that they have not even received their stimulus payment from the federal government yet, and can not afford to pay even for pro bono work, as they don’t have the time required to meet with lobbyists.

“I’m home with my kids all day,” says recently furloughed Vermonter Frank Leabroke. “When do I have time to research lobbyists? Why can’t the governor just give us money or let us work or something? I’m essential, damn it! I’m essential!”

After hearing these concerns, Governor Scott said that he would be happy to meet with lobbyists for the poor, once they had something official set up.

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