Leahy Pushes for “Impairment Trial” Over Impeachment for Trump

WASHINGTON – Senator Patrick Leahy says he has a problem presiding over an “Impeachment Trial” as he does not like peaches. Leahy says he prefers pears over peaches but there is no provision for an “Impearment Trial”.

Leahy, in a prepared statement indicated the situation is an “Impairment” to proving an impartial overview of the former Presidents actions and is not “peachy” in his mind. “This must be corrected!”

A Leahy aide indicated that the Senator does like “Peppermint” but the Constitution mentions “Impeachment” not “ImPeppermint”. Besides “Ment and Mint” might be confusing to the Senate as they may not know what was meant the unidentified aide stated.

Vermont Law School Professor Conde Minter, a law school mate of the Senator, says she recalls how much Leahy avoided peaches in favor of pears, bananas and cherries. Minter suggested a Constitutional Amendment substituting pears or cherries as an “InCherryment Trial” would fit in better with the D.C. profile.

Mack Entosch, of the Vermont Applegrowers and Cannabis Propagator’s Coalition, expressed his feelings that an “Applement Proceeding” should be considered. “The Senator is at the core of this major event, so let’s put an apple on the podium” he stated. Friends of Entosch later admitted that his initial idea was to get everyone stoned and have an “Impotment Trial,” but was talked down to his current proposal. “Hey, Peaches are stoned, aren’t they?” he asked when questioned about the matter.

Over at the White House staffers are scurrying to have a Presidential Decree changing “Impeachment” to “ImBananament” as polls show this may be more appealing.

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