VT to Drop Poet Laureate in Favor of State Calliopist
GROTON – In a stunning move shocking the literary world, Vt. Senate President pro-tem Tim Ashe and House Leader Mitzi Johnson called an emergency session […]
Articles by The Winooski
Syrup & Cows #105 – 6/9/19 – Spring Planting
Image Credits: Connor Byam.
University of Vermont Offers to Boycott State of Alabama for $26.5M
BURLINGTON – After the University of Alabama returned a huge donation to major donor Hugh F. Culverhouse Jr. over his political rhetoric, the University of […]
All Vermont Prisoners to Be Released Due to Legal Insanity of Living in Vermont
MONTPELIER – In a momentous legal decision, all prisoners in the state of Vermont are set to be freed over the next few weeks after […]
Breaking News: Other States Also Have Weather
WINOOSKI – In a shocking discovery, the undercover team at The Winooski has discovered that other states besides Vermont have unpredictable or remarkable weather patterns. […]
Burlington City Council Bans All Utensils in Restaurants
BURLINGTON – If you’re planning to dine at a restaurant in Burlington, be prepared to use your hands. Starting next year restaurants will no longer […]
Vermont Protesters Hoping to Attract Bigger Names to Kick Out of the State
ESSEX JUNCTION – Vermont’s protester population, one of the largest per capita in the nation, is looking to draw some bigger names to the state […]
VT State Trooper Contracts Autism From Incidental Contact With Vaccinated Person
LEICESTER – Vermont State Police are reporting that acting Sgt. Lydia Gaisian has contracted autism after incidental contact with a person known to have had […]
Syrup & Cows #104 – 6/2/19 – Cave Rally
Image Credits: Connor Byam.
Homeland Security Called in to Deal With Foreign Mosquitoes
BARNET – Mosquitoes are rejoicing at the soggy conditions in Vermont this season, with mosquito tourism up by over 23% as compared to last year […]