MONTPELIER – A number of State Representatives have introduced legislation which would make satire illegal in the Green Mountain State. Representative Woody Forrest of Woodbury says the measure is designed to upend the constant satirical suggestions of such entities like The Winooski.
Other sponsors, Toppy Hatter of Derby, Glenn Lake of Castleton, Hy Pond of Brandon and his cousin Burr Pond of Sudbury issued a joint statement supporting the measure stated “Vermont is being satirized on the World Wide Web by these outlandish purveyors of cynicism. It must end, and end now.”
House Member Ellie Moore of Elmore, and Sandy Gate of Sandgate, say a satirical ban would stimulate more introspective and passive psychological attitudes for Vermonters and visitors. Both Moore and Gates were contacted at their respective Zen businesses. Winnie Hall, Winhall’s Rep. for four decades, concurs. “Vermont is no place for satire. Having fun poked at you on a daily basis is emotionally draining and I would support a bill banning fun as well. We don’t have fun in Winhall as it is.”
Lawmakers are bantering over the penalty aspects of the measure, which some say directly targets The Winooski. Members Wally Cott and Roxy Bury both argue that this is not suppression of freedom of speech but rather a legislative cancel culture initiative that keeps Vermont pristine and satirically free.
Gubernatorial spokesperson Sommer Sett would not say if the Governor would veto any such measure. “The Governor’s been the focus of a lot of web satire and there is a possibility the joke could be returned by a signature banning satire.” It was unclear whether Sett’s comments were meant to be satirical.
White River Law School Professor Emeritus Obie Jector, indicated that the measure does not define differences between satire and humor, adding “They are spelled differently though!”
The Winooski refused comment on the matter, saying they were too busy working on a collaborative piece with the Waterbury Roundabout dealing with mental strain and anxiety caused to legislators by Zoom Meetings on unfunded Pension Plans.