The Winooski

The Winooski

Locally Sourced Organic Vermont Satire

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Articles by The Winooski

After School Bond Fails To Pass, South Burlington Hoping to Host Olympics to Pay For New Sports Facilities

March 6, 2020 The Winooski 0

SOUTH BURLINGTON – Voters overwhelmingly rejected South Burlington’s $200M+ school bond this week, leaving school officials looking for other ways to fund the needed projects […]

Vermont Issues Stern Referendum on Goats, as Humans Win All Local Elections

March 4, 2020 The Winooski 0

FAIR HAVEN – If you had asked Lincoln the goat about his species’ political prospects a year ago, he would have said that they were, […]

Vermonters Worried About New Cases of Canuckian Virus

March 2, 2020 The Winooski 0

GLASTONBURY – A newly discovered pandemic has been striking large Vermont Utilities. The “Canuckian Virus” has been rampantly encroaching into the Green Mountain State. Reportedly […]

Syrup & Cows #143 – 3/1/20 – Looking Forward

March 1, 2020 The Winooski 0

Image Credits: Connor Byam.

Vermont Astronomers Notice Mike Bloomberg Ad on Side of ISS

February 29, 2020 The Winooski 0

HINESBURG – Members of the Vermont Astronomical Society have reported seeing a Mike Bloomberg campaign advertisement plastered to the side of the International Space Station […]

Emboldened State Legislature Forces Governor to Work For Minimum Wage

February 26, 2020 The Winooski 0

MONTPELIER – The Vermont State Legislature voted this week to overturn Governor Scott’s veto of the higher minimum wage, meaning the state’s new starting wages […]

Local Teddy Bears Fight For Their Right to Unionize After Factory Layoffs

February 24, 2020 The Winooski 0

SHELBURNE – Dozens of cute little teddy bears are marching in front of the Vermont Teddy Bear Company headquarters in Shelburne this morning, but they […]

Syrup & Cows #142 – 2/23/20 – Hump Day

February 23, 2020 The Winooski 0

Image Credits: Connor Byam.

Island Pond Woman Thinking Of Moving to Westmore

February 21, 2020 The Winooski 2

ISLAND POND – The small community of Island Pond was shaken this week, as long-time resident Stella Ronde announced she was considering a move to […]

Topless Protesters Disrupt Sanders Campaign Rally, Prompting Other Candidates to Demand the Same Treatment

February 19, 2020 The Winooski 2

CARSON CITY – After topless protesters took the stage at a Bernie Sanders rally this week, other presidential candidates are crying foul, saying they want […]

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Recent Posts

  • Texas Legislature Passes Emergency “Don’t Say Gun” Law May 25, 2022
  • Burlington Announces New High School To Be Built at 1 North Avenue August 19, 2021
  • Syrup & Cows #207 – 5/24/21 – First Day Back May 24, 2021
  • Syrup & Cows #206 – 5/16/21 – The Search Continues May 16, 2021
  • Syrup & Cows #205 – 5/9/21 – Unrecognizable May 9, 2021

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  • Hugh Kidden on Burlington Announces New High School To Be Built at 1 North Avenue
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