Carolinians Accuse Vermonters of “Hurricane Privilege”
RALEIGH – Residents of both North and South Carolina have been accusing Vermonters of having “Hurricane Privilege” this week after people in the Green Mountain […]
National
We Tried to Get Bernie’s Staffers to Write an Anonymous Editorial, but They All Really Like Him So It Came Out Super Boring
WASHINGTON DC – The New York Times made a big splash with its op-ed from an anonymous member of the Trump administration, and that got us […]
Following Vermont’s Lead, Trump Declares Moscow “U.S. Capitol For a Day”
WASHINGTON DC – Phil Scott, the Republican governor of Vermont, has been spending his summer traveling the state in what he calls the “Vermont Capitol […]
Red Sox Lose to Patriots 14-3 When Confused Team Shows Up to Wrong Venue
BOSTON – In a game that was both exhilarating and puzzling, the Boston Red Sox lost their first game to the New England Patriots last […]
Trump Bombs F-35s for Vermont Air National Guard
WASHINGTON – President Donald Trump announced today that he has cancelled the F-35 deployment to the Vermont Air National Guard. According to our sources, Trump […]
Phish Opens Alpharetta Show with Extended Performance of “Tweezer,” Still in Progress
ALPHARETTA, GA – Vermont’s grooviest export, the band Phish closed down their three-night run at Verizon Wireless Amphitheater just outside of Atlanta, GA on Sunday […]
Champ Becomes EPA Director as Trump Fills Cabinet with Actual Monsters
WASHINGTON DC – US President Donald “The Donald” Trump has appointed local Vermont sea monster Champ to fill the role of Director of the Environmental […]
Trump’s Recent Comments Intended as Tribute to Dick Cheney’s Comments to Leahy
WASHINGTON DC – In recent weeks President Trump’s White House has had to parse what the POTUS really means when he says what he says. […]
Trump Pardons Ted Bundy, Claims FBI Evidence “Not Reliable”
WASHINGTON DC – US President Donald Trump has posthumously pardoned a large number of convicted criminals this week, including Burlington, VT born serial killer Ted […]
Vermonters Not Constitutionally Guaranteed U.S. Citizenship
WASHINGTON DC – A federal court found this week that people born in Vermont are not guaranteed U.S. citizenship by the Constitution. After a lengthy […]