WASHINGTON DC – A federal court found this week that people born in Vermont are not guaranteed U.S. citizenship by the Constitution. After a lengthy debate regarding the citizenship rights of people born in U.S. territories, which everyone agreed were non-existent, the discussion moved to the states themselves, and specifically those states which were not part of the original thirteen colonies. The court ruled that when the 14th amendment opened up citizenship to “all persons born or naturalized in the United States,” it was only referring to the original United States, and not the Johnny-come-lately states starting with Vermont as state number fourteen.
“No one is saying that Vermonters aren’t citizens,” clarified a court clerk. “They are absolutely citizens. They just don’t have the Constitutional right to be citizens. So, if someone wanted to, they could take that right away. Someone like, say, the president.”
President Trump was golfing and could not be reached for comment.