Three Vermont Towns Weigh in on Becoming Vegan-Free “Meat Sanctuaries”
SHELDON – With several towns in the state signing legislation to become “gun sanctuaries,” three Vermont communities will soon vote on whether or not to […]
State of the Onion Address
After President Trump’s State of the Union address last night, we here at The Winooski felt compelled to give a State of the Onion address, […]
Tom Brady Signs 2-Year, $70 Million Deal With Hulu
BOSTON – In a shocking reveal on Sunday evening, NFL star Tom Brady announced that he has signed a deal with Hulu to keep streaming […]
Syrup & Cows #139 – 2/2/20 – Dress For It
Image Credits: Connor Byam.
Local Students Attempt to Run Mock Trial Without Calling Any Witnesses
BOLTON – As the Senate contemplates whether to call witnesses in the impeachment trial of Temporary President Donald Trump, local teacher Peach Imm has also […]
Burlington Mayor Accused of Accepting Plastic Bag at City Market
BURLINGTON – Another scandal has hit the Queen City this week, after multiple witnesses report seeing Burlington Mayor Miro Weinberger leaving City Market with a […]
Transgender Agenda Revealed to Be Blank Piece of Paper
BURLINGTON – A mild controversy arose this week after the Fletcher Free Library agreed to allow a feminist group to meet about combating the transgender […]
Syrup & Cows #138 – 1/26/20 – Solid Plan
Image Credits: Connor Byam.
Scientists Searching for Elusive Drinking Straw that Biodegrades Sometime Between 20,000 Years, 2 Minutes
MARSHFIELD – Researchers at Designs Unlimited Marshfield (DUM) say they are close to a breakthrough in their quest to design a drinking straw that will […]
Hinesburg Fence Viewer Announces Candidacy For Cemetery Commissioner
HINESBURG – A wave of candidacy announcements has swept Hinesburg after the local fence viewer resigned in preparation for his run for cemetery commissioner. Bill […]