Burlington City Council Bans All Utensils in Restaurants
BURLINGTON – If you’re planning to dine at a restaurant in Burlington, be prepared to use your hands. Starting next year restaurants will no longer […]
Burlington
GMT Bus Driver Denies Claims of Racism – “I Hate All Children Equally”
BURLINGTON – New evidence has come to light in the ongoing saga of the Burlington school children who were kicked off of a city bus […]
VT Department of Health Encourages Unvaccinated Children to Eat Food Off Floors
BURLINGTON – As the number of unvaccinated children in the state grows due to religious beliefs that public health is unimportant and everyone else can […]
Burlington Group Vows to Pre-obstruct Projects That Haven’t Been Proposed Yet
BURLINGTON – Unveiling a new anti-development strategy, local activist Steve Goodkind, who admits to being neither good nor kind, asked, “Why should we opposers have […]
Party-goers Unsure Whether Pot Cookies Are Gluten Free
BURLINGTON – A small gathering of friends was thrown into chaos this weekend, as party-goers spent a few uncertain moments trying to figure out whether […]
Champlain College to Convert to Student-Owned Cooperative
BURLINGTON – Citing issues such as rising costs, lower enrollment, and the need for more student empowerment, Champlain College in Burlington has announced that it […]
First United Methodist Church in Burlington Rebrands as First Non-Binary Methodist Church
BURLINGTON – As churches across the country begin preparations to leave the United Methodist Church over its newly confirmed policies of exclusion, one Vermont congregation […]
Burlington Police to Receive Training on Yoga-Related Incidents
BURLINGTON – After the infamous City Market yoga riots of 2019, Burlington Chief of Police Brandon Del Pozo has pledged to train his officers on […]
All Burlington Streets to Go “Green” by May 1st
“I am absolutely thrilled!” Mayor Miro Weinberger could not contain his excitement over the recent decision of Burlington’s newly elected City Council. With five Progressives […]
A Sheepish Bernie Sanders Attempts to Return His Tax Refund to the US Government
BURLINGTON – Reports have come in that US Senator and presidential hopeful Bernie Sanders has received a larger than usual tax refund and is attempting […]