MIDDLEBURY – The close of Middlebury College’s Fall Family Weekend on Sunday marks the end of Vermont’s many fall semester parent visitation celebrations, leaving students free to retrieve their bongs and other drug paraphernalia from their hiding places in dorm rooms and shared apartments around the state. Saint Michael’s College kicked off the long stretch of what marijuana dealers call “the dry season” back in mid September, followed by Champlain College and then UVM in early October.
“It’s rough, man,” an anonymous pot peddler in Burlington told reporters. “Yeah, you get the few ‘cool’ parents that want to have a good time with their kids, but overall sales are way down from mid-September to mid-October. We do get a huge boom in business when the students come back in August though, so with careful budgeting and financial planning, most of us are able to make it through.”
Students state-wide were seen rummaging through their underwear drawers and standing on tip-toes to reach the high shelves in the backs of their closets to retrieve what some are calling “their closest friends.”
“Underwear drawer? Seriously?” asks Brittney Smith of Middlebury College. “I mean, how big are these underwear drawers? I could never fit Blue Thunder into mine. She got wrapped in newspaper and propped behind my winter coat in the back of the closet.”
Blue Thunder is the name of Smith’s 4′ 6″ bong made of hand-blown smoke-blue frosted glass which she says cost her over $300. Coincidentally, Blue Thunder is also the name of her roommate’s vibrator, which also remained hidden during Fall Family Weekend. Smith’s roommate asked not to be named for this story, and also asked Smith to stop naming her drug stuff after the roommate’s sex stuff, because it is not funny.