SOUTH CANADA – As a debate rages across the United States regarding the American national anthem, their tiny new neighbor to the north has finally chosen one for itself. The recently founded nation of South Canada, formerly the Vermont town of Richford, has been without an anthem for months following its secession from the U.S., but the question of an anthem was put to vote, and the citizens have spoken.
South Canadian president Charlene “Skunk” Bedard held a press conference on the steps of the old town clerk’s office, which has been serving as a makeshift capitol since the elections. “I’m very pleased to officially proclaim that our new South Canadian national anthem will be ‘Immigrant Song’ by Led Zeppelin,” Bedard announced to raucous applause. “The only change will be at the beginning, where, instead of the ah-ah-ahhhhhs, we will all sing ‘South Can-a-dahhhhh-ahhhh!’ Bedard then proceeded to demonstrate how the anthem should be sung, adding in the instrumental parts with her voice.
The vote was close, with many songs tying at one vote each, likely due to the fact that the election was entirely made-up of write-in candidates. There was a box that could be checked that read “write an original anthem,” but that option only received two votes. The top vote-getters were as follows:
Immigrant Song, by Led Zeppelin – 127 votes
The Star-Spangled Banner – 124 votes
O Canada, but change the ‘O’ to ‘South’ – 103 votes
Despacito, by Luis Fonzi ft. Daddy Yankee – 102 votes
We Will Rock You, by Queen – 86 votes
Breakin’ Up is Hard to Do, by Neil Sedaka – 42 votes
My Home is Vermont – 23 votes
Take on Me, by A-ha – 21 votes