SOUTH CANADA – After a devastating weekend windstorm swept through the northeastern quadrant of North America, the tiny nation of South Canada has been left completely without power. South Canada, which until this summer was a small town in Vermont, has relied on the Vermont Electric Co-op for all of their power needs, but with the new border wall and increased security, electric workers are unable to get into the sovereign nation to make necessary repairs.
“Yeah, I know they changed their name and all that, but as long as they keep paying their bills we’re happy to provide the power,” said VEC employee Edric Sparks. “We told ’em we don’t take dirt, and they seemed okay with that. But now we do have some issues with the lines in Richford, I mean South Canada, and our employees there, over on Home Street, they need us to come in and do some repairs, but we can’t get in.”
A representative from ICE on the U.S. side of the border wall has confirmed that they are refusing to allow the VEC vehicles to cross into South Canada, claiming that their orders come “straight from the top.” This leaves many South Canada residents concerned for the future of their young country, with some expressing a desire to rejoin the United States.
“Oh no, we are not going back,” said South Canadian president Charlene “Skunk” Bedard. “Did Moses turn around and go back to Egypt when everybody started complaining? No, he did not. And Moses also did not have electricity. We, as a nation, will get through this. Besides, I have a plan.”
President Bedard did not elaborate on the details of her plan, but witnesses report a woman matching her description walking towards Bell Road in Jay, VT yesterday afternoon holding a large orange spool of extension cords.
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